Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
