Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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