Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
