Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
