i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
