I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
