I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
