mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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