Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
