About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize