I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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