I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
