wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
