So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
