i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
