# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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