Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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