there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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