another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
