before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
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