Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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