using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize