Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize