i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
