he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Holy shit dude........stairs
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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