May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
