i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
