420 ftw
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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