I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The power of my boobs compel you
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