Sry I called you an 8
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
