Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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