Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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