I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
my being single is dangerous.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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