haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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