Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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