I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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