i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
