you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
