I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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