I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
