Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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