I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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