she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
