My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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