Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
