Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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