my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
