my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
