the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize