Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you will always have a special place in my vag
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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