Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
