I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
