I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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