just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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