home. puking in laundry basket.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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