What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
