pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
