I'm gonna have a badass scar
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
nutella sex= disaster
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
