sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
