no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize