...so i touched it.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
