Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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