You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
