so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
