I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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