Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize