my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm just crazy horny about you
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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