i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
