It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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