just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
