my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
FUCK WHALES
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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