I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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