The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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